


In the Chamber of Our Heart

by LuvEwan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dark Anakin Skywalker, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, M/M, Memory Loss, Obi-Wan Needs a Hug, Poor Obi-Wan, Sith Anakin, Suitless Vader, mind wipe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 22:17:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16458041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuvEwan/pseuds/LuvEwan
Summary: Darth Vader cannot bear to kill the man who raised him, but Obi-Wan is too dangerous to be left alive. Vader's solution? A mind wipe.





	1. Chapter 1

\----

But I don't know, in the end, what deserts, chasms, achievements, virtues, and beauties have to do with love. We can love for so many different, and paradoxical, qualities in the object of our love--for strength or for weakness, for beauty or for ugliness, for gaiety or for sadness, for sweetness or for bitterness, for goodness or for wickedness, for need or for impervious independence...Or do we simply want a hand, any hand, a human object, to clutch in the dark on the blanket, and fear lies behind everything? Do we want happiness, or is it pain, pain as the index of reality, that we, in the chamber of our heart, want?

Oh, if I knew the answer, perhaps then I could feel free.

-Robert Penn Warren

——

Sidious took one look at Vader’s salvage and sneered. “Are you a complete fool? Kill him now.”

“I am not a fool, my Master.”

“You know he cannot be kept alive. He endangers all of our plans.”

But Vader merely smiled. “He won’t.”

——

The first wipe did not take. Vader could sense it as soon as the droids finished. Obi-Wan opened his eyes and even through the watery glaze of anesthesia, Vader saw instant recognition, clarity and personality and everything that he wanted gone. 

“It didn’t work.” He growled, twisting around to glare at the doctor. “Do it again.”

The doctor blinked. “Again? Sir, with all due respect—“

Vader grabbed him by the collar, lifting his feet off the floor. “I don’t care about your _respect_. Do it again. And if _you_ care about saving your own worthless skin, you’ll do it right this time.”

——

The second try took hours longer. When it was done, Vader had to peel open Obi-Wan’s eyelids; the pupils were unfocused and drool slid from the corner of the cracked lips. 

He peered closer. “If you turned his brains to soup, I’ll tear you in half.”

The doctor cleared his throat behind Vader. “Overall brain function is normal. Only tissue involving memory was targeted.”

Vader studied the familiar face. “Does he require medical supervision, or can he be moved?”

“His vitals are strong. I see no reason he cannot be moved, Your Excellence, if it pleases you.”

“Good”, he murmured, slowly drawing his gloved hand down a pale cheek. It would please him. 

——

He stood in the darkness, closed his eyes, reached for that severed thread still floating in the ether. 

_Obi-Wan._

The presence of his former Master remained in the Force. An uncomplicated Light, without shields, as open and endless as the galaxies. And now that Light could be his own, to possess and reshape, to make it what he wanted it to be. It wasn’t exactly ideal. He had offered alternatives, but Obi-Wan just wouldn’t listen, was too busy blaming him, like always.

_“I would rather die than be enslaved to you or your cruel empire, Anakin.”_

That wasn’t an option. Obi-Wan was exquisitely gifted. He could be of use to the Empire, even if Sidious was not convinced. But Sidious didn’t know Obi-Wan the way he did. Vader hated Obi-Wan for betraying him, but he had come to realize it was not Obi-Wan who turned against Anakin Skywalker, it was the Jedi Order. The Jedi had their hooks in Obi-Wan Kenobi’s head his entire life. He never had the chance to think for himself. 

He knew the real Obi-Wan was there, beneath that necessary facade, glimpsed him on the battlefield and in quiet moments, when it seemed they were the only two stars in a cold and empty sky. After Naboo, Obi-Wan could have walked away from Anakin and no one would have blamed him. Instead, he went from a Padawan to a Master overnight and dedicated himself to training a kid from Tatooine who was too old and too angry. Vader wasn’t going to walk away from Obi-Wan. 

He was going to train him. 

\--------


	2. Chapter 2

Vader knelt before the throne. He felt the cold hand settle on the top of his head. 

“I have given you power you could never dream of. I freed you from the chains of the Jedi Order, who saw you as a slave and resented your power. Yet after all I have done for you, I cannot compete with _him_.”

Jagged fingernails pressed into his scalp. He lifted his eyes. “You are my only Master. He can be useful to us, now that I have removed certain obstacles.”

Palpatine laughed, melted face concealed in shadow. “A lobotomized Jedi traitor who was middling even in his prime. How can he be useful, except as a link to your former life?” The Dark twisted, the Force shuddered. “Unless that is what you _want_ , Lord Vader?”

Vader swallowed. “I want power. I want to learn the ways of the Sith. I want to serve you, Master.” 

Palpatine’s lips curled into a half-smile. “Do not forget it, my apprentice.”

————

Vader realized that he had been hasty in dealing with Obi-Wan. The doctor had warned him of the possible side effects from the wipe. It had not mattered to him at the time, as long as he got the result he wanted.

Needed. 

He had choked men until their last breaths sputtered out. He had mowed down a thousand anonymous faces and been unmoved by their death cries. 

But he could not stand the whimpering and moaning. It never stopped. And without Obi-Wan’s impenetrable shields, every sensation, every moment of pain and horrible, mounting confusion, bled into Vader’s thoughts. He summoned the doctor again, who looked pale and pinched with fear when he arrived in the middle of the night. 

“Something’s wrong with him. Fix it.” 

Vader hovered while the doctor bent over the pitiful figure curled up on the cot. Obi-Wan shrunk away from even that touch and covered his face with his hands. 

“He’s like that all the time,” Vader explained, watching intently as the doctor examined Obi-Wan, first with basic instruments and then with a scanner. “He cries and won’t tell me why.”

The doctor stood and smoothed his sweaty hair. Vader noticed his fingers were quaking, just slightly. “He has undergone two brain procedures. The brain is like any other part of the body. It needs time to recover.”

Vader’s teeth clenched. “You told me he did not require medical supervision.”

“Beyond the pain medication I have already prescribed, there is little to be done. He is in good health. I believe the root of this issue is emotional trauma.”

“That’s…” _Ridiculous_ is what it was. Obi-Wan had been tortured, beaten, spent weeks trapped in a demented Sith mask, and he had never _wept_. “You must have damaged his brain. He was never like this before.”

The doctor’s fear was like a skittering insect in the Force. “Memory loss can cause change in personality. I beg your forgiveness, my Lord, but is that not what you intended?”

Vader stared at the man who had been his teacher, who stood so defiantly against him on Mustafar, now folded in on himself, as if the simple act of living was unbearable. He looked back at the doctor, and his nostrils filled with the sour smell of human terror. 

“Get out of here,” he hissed in disgust. 

The doctor bowed. “Thank you, Lord Vader.” He disappeared in a flurry of relief. 

Vader stood with his hands on his hips, a storm churning inside himself, his vision blurred with heat. As a Jedi, he was taught to be ashamed of anger. But a Sith reveled in rage. 

He was meant for this all along. He’d been angry for as long as he could remember. 

Obi-Wan keened softly, pressing into the corner. In the Force, he was screaming, the feral howl of a wounded animal. 

No. It was not what Vader intended at all. 

Vader knelt beside him. He laid his hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “Hey, hey...just...stop, alright?”

Obi-Wan succeeded only in biting his knuckles to smother the plaintive cries. 

“Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll just...I’ll make it go away.” He didn’t know why he had bothered with the damn doctor. No one knew Obi-Wan like _he_ did. He was the most powerful Force user in the entire galaxy. He could fix this on his own. And then, once he was fixed, Obi-Wan would reach his true potential, without the narrow-minded Jedi blocking his way.

Bloodshot eyes studied his face. Vader detected that curdled fear again, like Obi-Wan didn’t understand that he was safe here. 

“I won’t hurt you,” Vader murmured, and he laced the words with a gentle suggestion.

But Obi-Wan reared back, his Force presence scattered, his voice a dry and trembling rasp. “Head...hurts.”

Well, a headache was easy enough. Vader could zap those in a second. He pressed his thumbs to Obi-Wan’s temples and closed his eyes, gathering soothing energy. It was almost foreign to him at this point--the Force had become a tool for enforcement, punishment. Death. Healing would have to be one of their first lessons, when Obi-Wan was ready to learn. Vader needed his new apprentice to be insulated from the mounting dangers around the Sith. He himself was a target of foolish resistance groups and assassination attempts. Losing Obi-Wan to such violence would be...unacceptable. “You have to tell me when you’re in pain or I can’t help you.”

Sidious would say pain was strength. Vader had dreamed of teaching his old Master a lesson, make him feel the bone-deep anguish that Anakin Skywalker had felt. But the man shuddering in the bed could not remember Anakin Skywalker, or Obi-Wan Kenobi, or any of the betrayals that occurred between them. He was free of all that. In a way, Vader envied him. How the Universe must open up, when no part of your mind was hostage to memory. He did not want this man to hurt. And he didn’t even want to think about what Sidious would have to say about _that_.

Abruptly, Obi-Wan wrenched Vader’s hands away. “Out...out...out…”

Vader pinned the thin wrists down. “I’m trying to take the pain away. I’m your….” Friend? Your best friend? Master? “I’m not going to hurt you. If you just relax--”

Tears streamed down Obi-Wan’s face, gleamed in the red hair of his beard. “You are _wrong_. Stay OUT.”

Vader was blindsided by the unsophisticated, but potent, wave of energy that hit him. Obi-Wan could not erect proper shields, so he was working on instinct. _Defending himself. Against me._

The Sith Lord swept to his feet, heart pounding. “If you want to be in pain, go ahead.” He said, and stalked out of the room, trying to ignore the harrowing moans as they began anew.


	3. Chapter 3

Your Jedi pet is a nuisance, my apprentice.”

Vader was learning to groom his reactions. He glanced at Sidious as they walked along the dark corridor. “He is adjusting.”

“He is hopeless.” The Emperor said, in his hollow and rasping voice. “Long ago, there was a mother, whose only child was taken by the Sith. She could not endure her loss, moaning and crying day and night. Finally, her village could not stand the noise, and banished her. But this only made her lament louder, more piercing, until at last, her child returned, and killed her.”

Vader bit the edge of his tongue. He could taste blood. “I have outgrown fables meant to scare younglings, my Master.”

“But you have not outgrown Kenobi. I sense your need for him. It is the need of Anakin Skywalker.”

“Anakin Skywalker is dead. I have done everything you asked.”

“I asked...I _ordered_ you to kill him. Your insolence will not win you favor with me, Vader.”

“He will serve our purposes.”

“He serves _your_ purpose, my foolish and short-sighted apprentice.That purpose surpasses my own in cruelty. It would have been merciful to allow him to die among the others.” Sidious studied his face with those eerily amber eyes. He smiled. “But I suppose you never meant to grant Obi-Wan Kenobi mercy.”

Vader found he had nothing to say to that.

————

“He is partially sedated, my Lord.”

“Has he eaten?”

The nurse folded her hands behind her back. “He will not eat. He removes his I.V.’s. He said dead men cannot eat.”

Vader’s gaze flicked from the nurse’s professionally blank face to Obi-Wan. He was staring beyond them both. Vader’s hands flexed into fists. “Bring me the food.”

She left a tray of thin soup and protein mash. Vader propped Obi-Wan up on pillows and grasped his chin, guiding him to look into Vader’s eyes. “Do you remember how to eat?”

Obi-Wan stared at him. 

Vader didn’t understand how the man could be _more_ unnerving now. “I know you can talk, so answer me.”

“Dead men cannot eat. I am dead.” Obi-Wan said.

Vader spooned some of the soup into Obi-Wan’s mouth. It spilled out again. “You are _not_ dead, alright? Stop saying that.”

Another spoonful passed through Obi-Wan’s lips, only to dribble down his chin. “You killed a woman with brown eyes. A village of creatures. A...castle of innocents.”

Farking shavit. The damn wipe really hadn’t worked. “Why do you think that?”

“I don’t think it. I hear it, in my head, where you won’t get out. You say it, over and over. You tell me what you’ve done, but I don’t want to know.” Obi-Wan crossed his arms over his chest. “You are a killer. You were supposed to kill me.”

Vader looked down into the bowl. “I didn’t kill you. You’re not dead.”

“You loved that woman and you killed her. You love me and you’re supposed to kill me.”

Vader sat the bowl and spoon down suddenly, with a clatter. This was… “You’re confused. Maybe it would help if you _ate_ something.”

And then Vader felt it, a roar in the Force, a bright and burning anger that sent the tray flying. Obi-Wan rubbed his brow with a quivering hand. Tears fell from his eyes. “I am confused. I am nothing. I can’t remember anything and I hear voices, so many voices, and they’re not mine. It is never _quiet_. My head hurts.”

Vader reached out, and carefully combed the auburn hair with his fingers, parting it to the side, as Obi-Wan had always done. It made him feel a little better, although he had meant to comfort the other man. “I did love that woman. But I...I didn’t kill her. I love you too and I’m not going to kill you. Everything is going to be good, you’ll see.”

But Obi-Wan shook his head. “Something is terrible here. It makes me ill. _Wrong_.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Vader said, and quietly turned the dial to release more sedative. He watched Obi-Wan sink back into the pillows. Even unconscious, the man looked drawn and troubled. 

It was Sidious. Vader had to get Obi-Wan away from him.

——-


	4. Chapter 4

I will not allow it.”

Vader tensed. “You are my Master, but I am not your _slave_. This is what I want. I will do it.”

He expected a tidal wave of fire within the Force, but Sidious’s displeasure was more like ice, and sharp as a dagger’s tip. “A Sith cannot live mired in his own delusions, apprentice. He is not who he was. A miscalculation on your part, and you must dispose of your error, not embellish upon it. We haven’t time for your side projects.”

“He might not be who he was, but he can be _better_. He is powerful in the Force. He can—-“

Sidious bared his yellowed teeth. “He paled in the Force next to you. He was weak, but at least he was _coherent_. This animal you’ve created is not worthy of breath. I am the Emperor of the civilized galaxy. I should be able to sleep without the constant howling. It would be entertaining if it was not so deeply aggravating.”

“Then do not attempt to stop me from taking him. I can train him and still abide your teachings, Master. Allow me the opportunity to show you.”

“..Fine. I want him removed immediately.”

“Thank you, Master. I will not disappoint.”

“We shall see, Lord Vader.”

———

Sidious had established a stronghold on Boz Pity soon after the war ended. It was quiet there. Vader decided it would suit his needs, though he had never visited the planet himself.

But neither had Obi-Wan, and so he knew it would not evoke any more strange half-memories. 

Decision made, he readied his personal vessel and went to retrieve his new apprentice.

——-

Obi-Wan was staring at the door when he walked in. His eyes were grey and shadowed. “Will you kill me now?”

Vader crossed the room and grabbed Obi-Wan’s head, tilting it to the side. Vivid scarlet slashes marked his skin from his temple down to his cheek. “Shavit, why do you keep doing this?!”

Obi-Wan held himself still in Vader’s mech hand. “How can I get you out of my head? Why should you be in my head? Who _are_ you?”

Vader’s nostrils flared, but he released his grip. “I’m in your head because I belong there. You don’t understand right now but you will. And I’m _not_ going to kill you, okay, so you can stop saying that.”

Obi-Wan blinked at him. He looked older since the wipe. That didn’t make sense to Vader. He should be carefree, like a child, happy and—

“If you must be in my head, can you make the dreams stop?”

Vader saw the desperation in his former teacher’s face. He had never seen Obi-Wan look like _that_. He was always the calm and assured one. “We’re going far away. Leaving today. I bet you the dreams will stop as soon as we get out of here.”

Somehow Obi-Wan still seemed to sense when Vader was lying. He lifted an eyebrow at Vader, but said nothing.

“Believe me, it’s going to be good. But there can’t be any more of _this_ ,” Vader touched the bloody skin on the side of Obi-Wan’s face. “Alright?”

Obi-Wan did not agree, but he did not fight when Vader took him by the arm and led him from the room, so he did not really _disagree_ , which was a decent place to start.

——-

 

Vader sat in the cockpit, thinking that there must be parts of a person that were inscribed into their cells, unchangeable, instinctive. Because Obi-Wan had always hated flying, and this man without memory or learned bias was just as displeased by space travel.

And by that, Vader meant Obi-Wan had splattered bile on the decks as soon as they made the jump into hyperspace. He remembered when they were on—where had it been?—Saleucami or somewhere like that, and the landing had been kind of rough, and Obi-Wan made it about three steps off the ship ramp before barfing on a trooper’s boots. Everyone had given him sass for that, and Obi-Wan pretended like it didn’t bother him but his mouth would get all tight when someone brought it up—

From the other side of the ship erupted a pained and mournful cry. 

Vader swore under his breath. 

——-


End file.
